Well-Intentioned Dragons.

Can we work with the dragons rather than slay them?

One Sunday afternoon way back in 1991, I read the book “Well-Intentioned Dragons” by Marshall Shelley. I was a cadet in the Salvation Army Training College and that afternoon I saw the book on a shelf of another Salvation Army Officer. A few hours later I was considering abandoning God’s call on my life. This book terrified me!

1985 Word Publishing

Today, November 10 2017, I have read the book again. I now want to encourage every minister to get it and read it. 

The premise of the book is simple and one which will be well known by ministers across the world – those people in your church community who, while seeming to be well-intentioned, are also dragons who crush your hopes and dreams. It might surprise some people to know that churches can face such a problem. If it is a surprise to you, then I expect you are not a church minister. If you are a church minister and these words are a surprise to you, just wait. It will come. 

Shelley doesn’t call for ministers to be like St George and seek to slay the dragon. The sub-title of the book “Ministering to Problem People in the Church” shows a deeper purpose, and through the book suggested pathways are shown. 

Shelley has put together a number of accounts from ministers and some of the troubles they have worked through. These include the church treasurer who decided that because you weren’t preaching at church on Sunday you didn’t need to be paid, the lady who seemed to know everybody’s problems and made sure you knew about them too, the man who thought that because he was chairman of the board meant he was in charge of the church, and more. In reading these pages I am reminded of people I have known and worked with – and argued with. 

What I enjoyed now about reading this book was seeing again that while there are difficult people in church, there is a way to work with them and not against them. Shelley’s work offers some good thoughts on this.

In 1991 when I read the book I was terrified because I was reading of churches with hundreds of people where these two dragons destroyed a minister. I knew, or expected, that I would be going to a church of 25 – 40 people, but these two dragons were sure to be there. How could I be ready to face that as a young minister? Over the 25 years of ministry, I have indeed met some of these dragons. Looking back on some, I can see that they were well-intentioned. But the cost to me, my family, and others in the church was enormous. 

2013 Bethany House

I also look back and wish I had handled some situations differently. Perhaps there are some things you can only learn with experience, no matter how much you read and seek to learn from others. Maybe one day someone will ask me to contribute to such a book as this and I can write about my experiences with these dragons. Maybe it’s best that those things stay buried too. To be fair, maybe look on me as one of these dragons too. 

The book I’m reading was published in 1985. I am now aware that there is an updated version published in 2013 which apparently addresses social media stuff. Obviously that wasn’t written about in 1985. 

If you are in ministry, I encourage you to get this book. No matter which version it is you will learn good things from it.

The protective value of friends

Today I've been listening to a podcast from Ultimate Youth Worker on the topic of "Youth Drug & Alcohol" with Dr Kat Daley. I'd encourage you to listen to it, but not necessarily because you will learn stuff to help you with youth dealing with drug and alcohol issues. Something else stood out for me.

Dr Daley is a researcher, and in this podcast she talks about some of the differences that came out when talking with males and females. She was not looking for these differences. In fact, when she was doing some earlier research looking for those differences she came to the conclusion that there weren't any - apart from pregnancies.

In this discussion though, her comments are confronting. She speaks of a link between substance abuse and sexual abuse, with sexual abuse leading to substance abuse often with self-harming in between. Confronting. Perhaps not surprising, but it is something that is worth thinking about.

Anyway, the comment that stood out for me was the conversations that happened with the girls right at the beginning of the interview. She described it as 'small talk', the kind of questions that adolescent girls would normally talk about with each other. But these girls were asking these questions to Dr Daley because they don't have a group of female friends around them.

Think about this for a moment. These girls are asking these questions to Dr Daley because they don't have a group of friends around them. Is it likely that they are in this situation because they don't or didn't have a group of friends around them that would help to keep them from ending up here?

In my role as a youth director, I have learned that one of the best ways to protect people from being abused is to ensure they are fully involved in the group. Our camp and group leaders work to make this happen and if we see someone sitting on their own, we will talk with them so they know they are part of the group.

Why not invite people join your game?

But we're adults. A better way is for teenagers to keep an eye out for those teens who are sitting on their own and include them in the group. And I mean fully include them. There are a number of good reasons to do this, and one of them is that this helps to protect people from a dismal future.

How can you help the teenagers in your group to be a better help to each other?