A book you should read - but probably won't.

Some books are helpful and pleasant to read. Some books are unhelpful yet enjoyable. And some books are helpful yet are also incredibly unpleasant. This book fits the final category. But still, I urge you to read this, or at least a few chapters from it.

Anna Salter writes with objectivity. She is well aware of the actions of predators etc as she has been working with victims of sexual abuse as well as working with offenders. Through the book we get glimpses of the kind of research being done in this field, and sadly we also get a glimpse of the extent of damage done by these offenders.

Protecting our children.

In Australia, events over the last decade have shown how badly we have done in protecting children. Whether it's a Stolen Generation, abuse in institutions, or the terrible abuse of children in some churches, we can't help but see that too many people were damaged as children. We who have a position in those institutions should want to protect children.

But how do we do that when the practices of the past have been manipulated by offenders? We learn. We accept that what we know isn't enough, and we look into dark places to see how we can protect children from that darkness. Salter helps us to do this.


My role in the Presbyterian Church with Presbyterian Youth Victoria and with the Safe Church Committee means I don't have the luxury of not thinking about this issue. If anything bad happens, I wear some responsibility (well, I feel like I do anyway). If something does happen, our reputation will be damaged - and rightly so. But far worse than this, someone will be damaged, and I'm not prepared to sit idly by and wait for that to happen if I can do something to stop it.

But there are some chapters you MUST READ!

I mentioned earlier that not all chapters need to be read. Salter even begins one chapter saying "you

can skip this chapter and the rest of the book will still make sense. To be honest, you'll like the world more if you don't read it." (She was right!)

You must read these four chapters though.

 

Chapter 1 - The Problem

The problem is much bigger than you imagine. What stood out for me here is learning that abusers are much more active than I knew. To explain that better, here is a quote: 

In all the interviews I have done, I cannot remember one offender who did not admit privately to more victims than for those whom he had been caught. (p13)

Chapter 2 - Deception
Chapter 3 - Techniques of Deception

These two chapters are vital reading. We are easily deceived. No doubt, some people are more able to pick up the deceit than others are, but as one molester, himself a minister, said:

I considered church people easy to fool . . . they have a trust that comes from being Christians . . . They tend to be better folks all around. And they seem to want to believe in the good that exists in all people. . . . I think they want to believe in people. And because of that, you can easily convince, with or without convincing words. (p28,29)

I'll add this comment regarding techniques of deception. As a church attendee, I spend maybe two hours a week with everyone when we are gathered together. With most of those people, I have nothing more than a short conversation, yet I think well of these people. Based on what? A friendly smile? A firm handshake? We assume people are good during the week, but it's pretty easy to make that assumption on the basis of their public behaviour. We might be tragically wrong.

Chapter 10 - Detecting Deception

This is the most important chapter in the book. Let me say that again:

THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT CHAPTER IN THE BOOK.

Why do I say this? In these pages we learn some skills that make us aware that things may not be as they seem. I learn about the danger of a bias I have within me, and I learn about the evasion used by these liars.

On the topic of bias, Salter comments

People are easier to fool if they have a stake in believing the liar. Therapists, for example, who believe that they have successfully treated an offender will be loath to believe that he has gone astray. To face that means that their treatment was a failure and their judgement of the offender flawed. This is true of all of us. We are all biased toward believing what we want to be true. (p203)

This is relevant for our churches, for Christians generally, and for Christian leaders especially. We want to believe that 'he is truly repentant' and that 'he would never do that again'. We have our own bias that can get in the way of us seeing clearly what is before us.

On the topic of evasion, page 217 includes nine ways that liars answer questions without actually answering the question. In other words, they evade the question rather than outright deny. Here they are:

1. Unfinished Business: "That's about all". "That's pretty much it."
2. Answering the question with a question: "Why would I do something like that?"
3. Maintenance of Dignity: "Don't be ridiculous."
4. Commenting on the question: "That's a hard question."
5. Projection: "Someone would have to be sick to do that."
6. Denial of evidence: "You have no proof."
7. Accusation: "Are you accusing me?"
8. Qualifiers: "I can't say."; "I could say . . ."; "I would say . . ."
9. Answers: "My answer is . . ."; "The answer is . . ."

Finally

There is a lot in this book that leaves me uncomfortable, I can't deny that. I want to believe that nice people are truly nice people. I want to believe that the world isn't such a bad place. But surely if I accept the doctrine of total depravity to be true, then it shouldn't surprise me at all that there is such wickedness in the world.

So, I continue in my life as a minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I will do what I can to ensure children are safe from the predators that walk in my community. And, knowing that these sharks circle around looking for the weakest child, I will seek to bring that child into a community of others where he / she will not only feel safe, but will be safe.

This book has been helpful. You probably won't read it, but I think that you should.