Relational and Incarnational Youth Ministry 09
Session 9
Shape of faithful place-sharing
How do we think about ourselves in place-sharing? Bonhoeffer "Be wary of the person who cannot be with others, but be just as wary of the person who cannot be alone." To be a place-sharer you need to be both open and closed - to identify with young people and to differentiate with young people. There's no relationship in enmeshment.
It is necessary at times to say to young people, "I can't speak now", "I need some time with my family". This also communicates to those young people something significant. There are boundaries that those young people learn when they see them in action. (Story of having dinner with his ministry partner and family. Minister disappeared for a long while as dinner was prepared and eaten because some of his study group just turned up. He defined this as 'Relational ministry'. But this was killing his family - and not helping the young guys.)
When we consider people to be involved in our youth ministry, we should ask ourselves how open and how closed they can be. If they are too open or too closed, that should give us reason to be concerned.
Video: Good Will Hunting - scene where the two characters meet for the first time.
Barrier (Confrontation)
In a strong and healthy relationship it gives us a place to confront and provoke when they're doing dehumanising things to themselves and to each other. Friends confront and judge each other. You can't get to a friendship through judgement, but once you have a relationship, judgement comes naturally. It might be the need to confront / ask about some behaviour.
Paradoxically, you cannot be in a relationship without something of yourself being put to death.
Video: Freedom Writers. Andre meets teacher in the corridor. She acknowledges his situation, and then confronts him with his self-marking and then confronts him with what she sees in him - and that is not failure.
Confronting someone gives them the opportunity to confront us on our behaviour.
Corresponding to reality
"A theologian of glory calls evil good and good evil. A theologian of the cross calls a thing what it is." Luther.
Video: About A Boy. Scene where the boy keeps turning up at Will's place, eventually talking about boy's mum. (A guy who just spends time with this kid)
Consider the power of presence where adults within the church open their lives up to some of the youth; where they just simply spend time together. In the film, it is the pattern of just being together that matters. He wasn't waiting for the big questions to be asked.
Story of Bonhoeffer doing his internship in Spain; connecting deeply with the ten-year old boy who is sad because his dog has died. Bonhoeffer gives the boy space to share his experience - he is a place-sharer. But with all his knowledge, he couldn't answer the boys question "Will I see Mr Wolf in heaven?". He wrote about this, "I felt small next to his question." It is in sharing the depth of life that theological and deep questions come up.
Mutuality in Freedom
Relationship as influence means an introvert cannot succeed. In fact, the more extroverted you are, the more successful you will be. But with place-sharing, you can just be what and who you are, and there is freedom to be an introvert. Maybe instead of just throwing questions out to people, we should be silent, or speak more about our own experiences.
Song Video: The Teenage Song. (How is it that I haven't heard of this song before?!?!?!) [I can't find the link. But will share it when I do]
Where am I at with this place of faithful place-sharing?
Book: Amplifying Our Witness - Benjamin Conner
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