Third Session

Relational and Incarnational Youth Ministry 03

Session 3

What do we mean by 'relationships'? 

Is it for personal influence? Do we use relationships to gain influence for our ministry. If so, we see it as a means to an end. This points to the 'third thing' in the relationship; the thing this relationship is leading to. Bonhoeffer says there is no third thing in relationship, just my responsibility to live as Jesus in this relationship (I've paraphrased). (Here is the proper quote: “When we encounter the neighbour, God is there.” He says, “There’s not a third thing. There’s no third thing. There’s just me and you or I and thou, and Jesus Christ becomes present there, not outside of that")

If we see relationship as a tool for influence, we use the relationship to get them to decide the way we want them to decide; it is a means to an end. Andrew talked about the results of a long study being revealed - I think it was NSYR which he refers to in "Revisiting relational youth ministry" and the young man looking at Buddhism. If the point of a relationship is to influence someone to a given end, then it's easy to cut loose from those who won't or don't conform.

We all know what it's like to be all alone and crying feeling that there is no one there to hear us. But we use relationship to guide people into what we want them to be rather than just enter into a relationship with them. And this is not the better way.

Incarnation trumps influence. Theologically, incarnation trumps influence. Used the Paul Harvey story of the birds freezing on Christmas Eve. Briefly, a bloke decides not to go to church on Christmas Eve in the snow, much to the disappointment of his family. There are birds outside who he beleives will die in the cold, so he goes outside, opens his shed, and tries to shoo them in, but they won't go near him. He puts bread crumbs down, but that doesn't work. He's getting colder and knows the temperature is dropping but they won't follow him. He realises that if he becomes a bird he could lead them into a safe place. Then church bells ring and he is struck by incarnation. 

Root suggests this story doesn't fully explain incarnation deep enough. 

As Christianity moved into the Greek world, where spirit was good and matter was evil, the thought that God took on flesh was too much, and Docetism was promoted. But the church dismissed that believing we needed a God who really did become flesh.

Trinity does not equal Influence. The relationship within Trinity is not about influence. As such, this is the better model of relationship for Christian people to consider.   

Video: Showed a clip from "God or the Girl" which showed a mission worker at a university saying to her team, "Have an Ice-cream with them, play frisbee, and then they'll come to a Bible study at least out of loyalty to you."

Place-Sharing

“Just as a good politician is for her people, a good teacher is for his students, and a good father is for his children, so Jesus Christ is for us. Jesus Christ shares our place.” Bonhoeffer.

So in relationship with another person, we share their place. This means we stand in for them. It means we connect with the full person. This means the relationship is not a means to an end, the relationship is the end in itself. Embrace the full humanity of the young people we work with.

Story: youth worker and the senior ski trip where the girl with bi-polar has an episode. Parents are angry that he would allow her to come along to the trip. One dad demanded to know "I understand that someone like her should be allowed in the church, but tell me, how is she getting better?"

The call of relational ministry is faithfulness - that no matter how dark it gets, you are not alone. 

We suffer with people. If we have a third thing to get to, then we don't suffer with them unless we believe it will lead them to where we want them to go. There is something about suffering and brokenness where God breaks through. Paul points out to the Corinthians that it is God who comes to them in our weakness. Isaac, the child of the promise, is born from a barren womb. The promise of God, indeed God himself, comes to his people in brokenness and impossibility.

This ministry is about young people's experience. In relationship, we can wrestle with them through their experience. In youth ministry, we have the incredible gift wrestling with young people through the questions and experiences of life. But if you're looking at relationship as influence, the questions and experiences will frustrate you. 

The incarnation shows the  trinity as self-giving. The Father is satisfied that the Son is the fullness of the Godhead, and the Spirit keeps the presence of God with humanity (I think I'm misquoting him here, but you get the idea.)

Final thought: Maybe the point of youth ministry is not to get the kids on the bus, but to sit with them in the despair and anger of life; and then to trust that God will get them on the bus. Be with and for them as Jesus is with and for us.